But despite every clip, every replay I saw on the news or read in the paper it was still too much for me to comprehend. No one hell-bent or evil enough to do what those men did. We were safe here in the US. We’re invincible. No one can touch us. That’s what I wanted and needed to believe because THAT was MY skyline. My backyard. That was near home. Someone had attacked New York as well as the Pentagon and a small town in Pennsylvania using planes full of innocent civilians as bombs. Places a few hours or even minutes from my home. It must have been a movie. It just wasn’t real.

I’m from Bergen County. More specifically a small suburb of New York in Jersey called Cliffside Park. I’m literally a few minutes from THE city by the George Washington Bridge or the ferry in Weehawken. From my town on the Palisades you can see right across the Hudson to the majestic skyline of NYC. At night it’s got this magical glow about it. It radiates energy. But after going home this past weekend, I finally came to realize that the glow, all though not diminished, has weakened at bit. The hole in my skyline took away some of that light. What’s sad is I almost couldn’t tell where the Towers had been. I had to use other buildings to guide me to the spot. The smoke is still rising. You have to search a while for it but its still there. The smoke and the rubble are all that’s left. It did in fact happen and this was reality. It occurred to me maybe even for the first time, when I saw the hole and the smoke snaking into the sky from it. This is our reality.

I needed to go home to see for myself that all the horror I had seen every time I put on the news was real. And now that I know this isn’t fiction I have to admit I’m scared and even more saddened and heartbroken for all those innocent people that have lost their lives and all the people mourning for them. It’s still too much to comprehend but it happened.

Faced with the depressing truth, I now try to focus on anything positive. Positive things such as the heroes that have gone to Ground Zero day in and day out to search the rubble with heavy hearts in the hopes of finding maybe one more person. At least I hope they do even if that flies in the face of reality at this point. But I pray and hope just the same. I think most Americans hope against hope together for something like that.

It’s amazing to see Americans unite in order to revive some of that strength we’ve lost. Flags in windows, patriotic songs on the radio, charities and fundraising and vigils showing that although we might not be invincible and impervious to the violence of the world, our spirits are invincible. I am trying to hold on to this patriotic feeling. It’s sad that it took tragedy to test our love for this country and each other. It’s sad that it took a horrific act of violence to provoke this feeling of unity and pride for our country. It is this unity that is helping many of us heal.

I did not lose anyone close to me in the terrorist attack. But if this had happened a little over ten years ago I might be fatherless right now. My father worked in the North Tower for the Port Authority when I was younger. I remember going to work with him on occasion and being in awe of the massive structure he worked in. I can remember standing on one of the windowsills, resting my forehead against the glass, peering down at the street below and feeling like a giant. In fact the last time I was close to the Towers was in January when my friends and I were driving back from some club. That night I peered up instead of down at the towers and was still in complete awe.

I assumed they’d always be there, part of my skyline, part of that light. Now that they’re gone, it’ll take some getting used to. Their absence will be an inescapable reminder of all those lives lost as well as our shaken sense of security. But I, and other Americans can learn from harsh reality created on the 11^th of September. Instead of responding in hate and anger, many of us have pulled together to help those afflicted by the attack. This is the America people need to see. This is another aspect of my reality, something to fill the hole in my heart caused by the hole in my skyline.

When I looked out over the Hudson for the first time since IT happened and saw that hole in the skyline I felt fear, anger and deep-rooted sadness, but I also felt an overwhelming gratitude. It would be wrong of me to shed a few tears and go back to the way things were. Because now things are different. Now I’m grateful for a lot of things I took for granted. Grateful to be a part of this re-united America, grateful for the life I have and the freedom I have to live it as I see fit and grateful for the opportunity to watch something other than smoke rise from the hole in my skyline. A new, stronger, more united America was born from those ashes and I’ve never been more proud to be part of this country having witnessed what incredibly resilient men and women call this place home.