Two years later in a little town called Laramie, a young man was pistol-whipped, tied up and left in the cold to die. Three days after the mid-October death of Matthew Shepard, a crowd of 5,000 people gathered on the Capitol steps in Washington to hold a candlelight vigil, commemorating the death of the gay student in a hate crime.

Incidents such as these give us mixed signals about the nation's attitude towards homosexuality. The success enjoyed by celebrities who have "come out of the closet" - from Anne Heche to Rudy Galindo - seems to say one thing, but jokes aimed at homosexual personalities - such as Boy George and Ellen DeGeneres - imply something completely different. Incidents such as the one involving Matthew Shepard practically scream that tolerance is not the modern tenor.

So what exactly is the trend in popular attitudes towards homosexuality? To see just how accepted this alternative lifestyle is in today's society, you don't need to look very far. As the centers of social progress, cities host the most diverse of populations. By interviewing a variety of individuals who reside in these urban areas - from students to doctors - the obstacles homosexuals face today in the more liberal parts of the nation were uncovered. Through this, maybe we can see how far American society has come to accepting something that was once too taboo for discussion, and how much more we, as a nation, need to do before this myth of tolerance is actually fulfilled.

Of the various challenges reported by the individuals interviewed, perhaps the most pervasive is their fear of being discriminated against in the workplace because of their sexual orientation. *Jessica, a 20-year-old college student, admits, "If I am open with my sexual orientation when applying for a teaching position, most likely I will not get the position. People have this perception of homosexuals being pedophiles. Probably the reason administrators wouldn't hire homosexual teachers is not so much their own beliefs, but the beliefs of the parents. The last thing a school needs is parents worried about a homosexual teacher and filing false charges."

"My car was vandalized. Someone wrote 'faggot' and drew a big penis on the side (in the dirt)"-Quinn

*Alan, a 21-year-old college student, agrees that he must be cautious when letting others know about his sexual orientation. "I might be very careful not to tell someone if I thought it could adversely affect my prospects for employment."

*Quinn, a 23-year-old affiliate of a collegiate gay group, concurrs. "If I lived in a state where bias on the basis of sexual orientation was legal, I would not feel secure at work or anywhere around co-workers."

*Alvin, a 50-year-old doctor from New York City, is aware of the options that have been closed to him. "I know that future promotions within a job setting were secretly denied because of my openness [about my sexuality]."

*Darren, a 40-year-old doctor from the west coast, reports similar experiences. "Because of my apparent sexual orientation, I have also lost patients. I was treating the son of a well-known singer who had insisted that I treat him. When she found out I was gay she moved him to another therapist."

Another problem that several of the individuals I interviewed reported is the restrictions that the laws have placed upon their relationships. *Richard, a 39-year-old member of the administration at The College of New Jersey, replied, "I guess the main difference in treatment is in the legal realm. The inability to marry means that such things as spousal benefits and property arrangements, things that straight married couples take for granted, are either unavailable, or must be spelled out clearly in legal documents. Much of my life would be much simpler if I could provide my partner with medical benefits through the college, or if I did not have to worry about his finances in the event of my accidental death."

Darren added, "My spouse was recently hospitalized for a relatively benign reason; however, it reminded me that, should something happen to cause him to be incompetent, I would not be the legally responsible person to make decisions medically, unless we'd made specific legal arrangements. This is despite the fact that we have been together for over 11 years, married in a religious ceremony for nearly 10, and own property together. Should we decide to have children, adoptions and surrogacy are fraught with potential hazards because as gay men we are not afforded the same rights as heterosexuals."

Denise, a 21-year-old student at TCNJ, also lamented this fact. "I won't be able to marry my partner, or if I wanted to have a family, only one state would allow me to adopt, and I imagine that the screening process is very difficult."

In addition to these legal obstacles, the issue of harrassment is still as virulent as ever. Dr. Duane E. McWaine, a psychiatrist from the San Francisco Bay area who specializes in the treatment of gay men with AIDS, reports, "There is a growing acceptance in some quarters which has given rise to more vehement, violent reactions from others. I have many patients who have been assaulted by strangers, relatives, and police for being gay ... I can't say this is happening less. It may even be more in the face of more widespread ostensible acceptance or tolerance."

Most of the harassment encountered by the individuals I interviewed was not physically violent. "My car was vandalized. Someone wrote 'faggot' and drew a big penis on the side (in the dirt)," reports Quinn. Jamie, a 22-year-old college student, was not shaken by any of the harassment that she received. "I just had a guy yell out 'lesbian' to me once. He probably meant for the comment to insult me. Didn't work!!"

Denise shared one of the most horrible experiences that she's encountered. "Once, at my parents' house, I was coming home at three in the morning, getting out of my car, and a car full of guys approached my house and slowed down. The men started yelling, 'Fucking dyke! Lesbian!' out the window. I was frozen with fear. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life."

"When I find myself scared or embarrassed, I remind myself my life is as valid as anyone else's and many gay people live long and happy lives."-Denise

Alvin shared one of the few accounts of violent attacks. "When I lived in New York City I was put down between two parked cars, and my face was kicked to the point that my eyes were swollen shut for three days. I was tested and retested by a neurologist because he was sure that there was going to be brain damage as a result of this physical attack by four young, white males."

In the light of the Shepard incident and other attacks of a similar nature, several individuals expressed an overall sense of fear. Juda Bennett, a professor of gay and lesbian studies at TCNJ, said, "I believe that one of the hardest things for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people to address in these liberated times is the covert homophobia from our allies and ourselves."

Jessica can relate to that fear. "I'm always looking over my shoulder if I'm out at night with my girlfriend. I try extra hard to stay away from potential harassment situations, as I am more susceptible if I'm holding her hand."

Denise expressed a similar sentiment. "I've been scared and intimidated by people. When I think about what happened to Matthew Shepard and so many others who were victims of violence, I am terrified. Matthew Shepard became an icon, but you would be shocked at how often violent gay/lesbian hate crimes are committed - especially on campuses. But the worst part is the fear that everyone has of it happening to them. I think about it more often that I'd like to."

*Jackson, a 22-year-old computer programmer from Jersey City, admitted to being harassed frequently in high school because of his sexual orientation. Now a full-time member of the workforce, he still finds himself fearing ridicule. "I find myself wondering what people think of me. I can be paranoid. When I find out someone is religious, I wonder if they are homophobic. When I find out someone is homophobic, I do not want to be around them."

Others have also reported the issue of religion has posed an obstacle, closing many doors to them. Denise explained, "Every now and then, you get someone who will try to convert you to God to save your soul. I've been called many names, told I'm going to hell. I would be scared to go to many religious meetings, even though I'm interested in these things."

Quinn expressed a similar sentiment. "There are a lot of people who think that we're just disgusting, hell-bound individuals, and it's difficult to deal with them, not to mention even trying to convince them that we're just people too."

Unfortunately, these interviews indicate that even in the most liberal and progressive of areas, we still have a long way to go before arriving at a state that anyone could characterize as tolerant. The attitudes society harbors today are a far cry from what they were as recently as a decade ago.

Still, is a society that is accepting of all its constituents a pipe dream? *Rachel, a 23-year-old college student thinks so. "I cannot understand how some people can just judge and condemn what they do not undestand. I can't stand that I don't have equal rights or that homophobes characterize us as wanting 'special rights.' It makes no sense."

Denise, on the other hand, still has hope. "Anti-gay messages have been so ingrained into everyone, it is extremely difficult sometimes to feel positive about your experiences, your life. When I find myself feeling scared or embarrassed, I remind myself my life is as valid as anyone else's and many gay people live long and happy lives."

* Indicates names have been changed