Lovers caress with tender words and promises, emoticon smiles, and cyber-kisses. Wallflowers occasionally interject lame comments, attempting to break into the conversations of others. Don Juans work the room, looking for anyone wanting and willing to "get it on." A couple makes out in the corner, while cyber-voyeurs watch behind screen shields.

"It's just brain-to-brain communication which works well when both parties are being honest." — Phyllis Phlegar, author of Love Online

A gentleman brushes up against her and *winks*. "Hi, how are you?" he asks.

"Much better, thank you," she says with a *smile*.

"Does that have anything to do with me?"

She *flips her hair back and smiles*. "Perhaps. Depends on how you play your cards."

This is where it all begins.

Perhaps he said the right word at the right moment. Maybe it was her charming *smile* (conveyed in cyberspace within the confines of asterisks). Much like in real life (IRL), cyber-relationships often start quite by accident. Two people with a common interest or a similar set of beliefs begin conversing and before either knows what is happening, they find themselves strangely attracted to each other.

"Intimacy occurs just as in real life: an interest spawns a question, a question spawns a reaction, from there, who knows?," said Thunder**, a 19-year-old student at the University of Tennessee.

Cyber-romance has become especially popular among college students, whose exposure to the Internet has grown considerably in the past year. As the hearts and souls of more and more teens and twentysomethings collide in cyberspace, it is becoming more common for relationships to span state lines, cross international borders, and jump continents.

Phyllis Phlegar, author of Love Online and advice columnist, likens meeting someone online to picking someone up in a bar.

"When you go into a bar, you have about a dozen people to choose from. When you go online, you have millions," she said. "So it is so easy to understand why so many people are cruising cyberspace from anywhere there is a computer and a modem. There is no dress code, no closing time, no physical restrictions to where you can go."

The difference is, there is no way to physically "see" the other person. Which leads to a question posed by many. How can a person be attracted to someone he or she has never even seen?

Surprisingly, it is this lack of exposure to a person's physical presence which draws many people into Net relationships. While IRL encounters involve getting to know someone "from the outside in," relying primarily on physical cues and appearances to spark an attraction, cyber-couples get to know a person's inner self first.

"Online, you have the opportunity to get to know someone's mind, without thinking right up front, 'Hey I don't like their looks' or worrying about what you are wearing," Phlegar said. "It's just brain-to-brain communication which works well when both parties are being honest."

"It's like a neverending blind date," said Rachel**, a 20-year-old student at Trenton State College in New Jersey. "In a way it's much better than a face-to-face encounter. You get to know the person's true self, without the social aspect of 'Oh he or she is hot!' or 'I would never want to date anyone looking like that!'"

Becca Lynn Lewis, an 18-year-old college student from New York, feels that this blindness to a cyber-mate's physical appearance can be beneficial.

"I think the Internet is definitely changing the way people live," she said. "There are people out there who are shy and have never been able to find a significant other in 'real life.' (Internet relationships differ from IRL encounters) because you don't have all the stereotypes of how people look ... you can really get to know the person and look beyond all that."

Susannah Pittman, a 19-year-old student/actress at Syracuse University, believes that "romance isn't seeing, it's experiencing. I don't care about the physicality, I care about the human being."

On the converse, Michael Pesce, an 18-year-old student at Syracuse University, feels that it is the lack of physical relations in Internet relationships that causes their ultimate demise.

"It's like a neverending blind date ... In a way, it's much better than a face-to-face encounter." — 'Rachel'

"How can anyone have a serious relationship without the physicality?" he said. "Marriages die because the sex disappears. And not even sex, but many small physical things that show affection are needed in a relationship. A hug, a kiss, holding hands ... Online, one could start a wonderful relationship and truly lay a firm foundation, but it must move off the screen in order to last."

Most Net couples begin off-screen correspondence with phone calls. Lucy**, a 21-year-old student at Trenton State College in New Jersey, says that one of the biggest problems in maintaining a relationship with her online love is her phone bills. "The obstacle is distance, which leads to phone bills," she said. "I can't exactly overcome them."

After phone calls often come letters, gifts, and personal articles such as clothing. One woman from New Jersey claims to have sent a lock of her hair to her online love.

Eventually, many online couples decide to test the mettle of their relationship by meeting IRL. Since these relationships often involve long distances, these trips can become very costly, especially for college students. One student from Wisconsin spent over $100 for a bus ticket to meet his online love. The trip took 28 hours.

With the benefits of meeting an online love in person also come the disadvantages. For one, when online loves meet, much of the mystery which attracted the two in the beginning can be lost.

"We build views, pictures in our head which are bound to be broken. I don't know how a relationship would go once thrust into 'real life,'" Thunder said. "I would say don't meet until well into the relationship. Because once you meet IRL you essentially have to start from scratch."

In essence, "starting from scratch" refers to the reverse process of getting to know one's online love. Once brought into face-to-face reality, online couples are forced to get to know each other from the outside in. They are exposed to each other's appearances, mannerisms, moods, and quirks -- elements which can be readily hidden behind a computer screen.

When exposed to the reality of the other person, sometimes images built by words and promises sent through cyberspace shatter. Sometimes a person's inner self and outer self conflict, leading to disappointment and disillusionment in the other person.

And sometimes not. In fact, subsequent to becoming an online advice columnist, Phyllis Phlegar married her online love. They now have an eight-month-old baby.

Despite the monetary and distance concerns, many college students manage to meet their significant others. Lucy met her online love when he came to visit her during his spring break.

"At first it was very awkward, especially since he had just finished driving ten hours," she said, "but by the end of the week we got along well." So well, in fact, that she plans on visiting him in Indiana this summer.

Of course, the dangers of becoming involved with someone an individual has never seen or met physically are numerous. Many Internet couples will talk about the "you're crazy" treatment they receive from family and friends.

Kasha**, a 16-year-old high school student from Canada, says that her parents are "very concerned" about her involvement with an online love. "They think most of the people on the chat lines are perverted psychos," she said. "Some are, but not all."

"Like picking up a stranger at a bar, there are some dangers to having a relationship with someone you don't know very well," Phlegar said. "Some people are too quick to give out personal information and believe everything they are told. There are people scamming others out of money, and online Don Juans and Juanitas breaking hearts."

In addition to the safety issues inherent to Net relationships, the emotional dangers are equally as prevalent. It is very easy for an individual to lie through the computer, to present himself or herself in a false light.

"Well, there is definitely a mystery," Rachel said. "You really don't know if this person is for real or not. For all you know the 'guy' you are talking to is really a girl or something to that effect."

As in all relationships, another danger involves levels of commitment to one's significant other.

"I've seen anything from casual hellos and a feeling that you should talk to a certain person when they enter the room to people who stop dating (others) and carry out complete monogamy with their partner," Michael said. "It depends on the intensity of the relationship."

Susannah believes that a danger lies in the ambiguity surrounding a significant other's commitment to an online relationship. She said that this is usually remedied through open, honest communication.

"Some people treat them (Net relationships) as very special and try to work at staying together," Becca said, "while others find someone else when things get boring or just tired. I think some people take Net relationships very seriously and really try to make them work while others just find them amusing. I definitely take relationships on the Net seriously."

Thunder, however, believes that cyber-relationships are "risk-free." Characterizing them as having "little commitment and a lot of talk," he cites an advantage of meeting significant others over the Net as "constant lovin'!"

"You can have as many significant others under different aliases as you want," he said. "Dangers? I don't think there are any, just don't get caught or you're in for a tongue lashing!"

Thunder's online romance, which spans a distance "(no) further than personal e-mail," has lasted for two months. Describing it as "kinda intriguing," he claims that the romantic aspect of his conversations with his significant other have even extended to talk of marriage.

Overall, Phlegar believes that an Internet relationship

"They think most of the people on the chat lines are perverted psychos. Some are, but not all." — 'Kasha'

can be just as successful as a traditional, proximal relationship if one knows how to maintain it. She suggests that people involved in Net relationships join newsgroups and forums whose members are also involved in Net relationships. Phlegar also believes that people should take these relationships very slowly.

"It's wise to take your time and get to know your potential cyber-mate," she said. "Too many people get involved too quickly, having been drawn into the lure of free and easy cyberspace communication."

Although there is no set stereotypical person who becomes involved in Net relationships, Phlegar believes that someone who "knows who they are, is confident, honest, and patient" has a better chance of maintaining a successful Internet relationship.

Love on the Internet may be literally blind, but it certainly is not without feeling. And as in "real life," anyone in a Net relationship will tell a person that he or she can't go looking for it.

"I think it's just something that happens to people," Becca said. "You really don't expect to find it until you do."

And when online love is found, cyber-couples should prepare themselves for just about anything. Because in life, love, and cyberspace, there are no guarantees.