For most American college students, October 11 doesn't have much significance. It may fall around a midterm or the annual homecoming game, but for the estimated 10 to 12 percent of college students who are gay or lesbian, the day has a greater importance. October 11 is Coming Out Day, a day-long celebration which encourages gays, lesbians and bisexuals to come out or express pride in their sexuality. "It acts to show that we are a true community (which is essential) for those who struggle with their self-conception," said sophomore computer science major Craig Kapp.

National Coming Out Day is celebrated annually to commemorate the 1987 March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. The date also marks the inaugural day when the AIDS quilt to the Capitol Building. On our campus, students were asked to wear jeans, white T-shirts and freedom rings (some students substituted fruit loops) as a way to show unity and support for the gay community.

The day does, however, have varying significance for those involved. Although Kapp said he had a friend come out to his roommate on coming out day, then GUTS (Gay Union at Trenton State) president Scott Nelson said the day was less a catalyst for actually coming out and more a means to allow those already out to feel more comfortable with themselves. "It really depends on the person," Nelson added, "Because (I've already) come out, it doesn't really mean that much to me."

"But coming out isn't generally a one-step deal," Nelson continued. "Some people may be out to their families and friends but not their colleagues. Coming Out Day sometimes becomes an initiative to come out to acquaintances or even professors."

For junior biology major Dan Egan, the day means nothing. "There's no heterosexual coming out day," he points out. "I'll support people, but I don't think there's necessarily a need. It's a cool thing for people who are out and want to celebrate that, but I haven't completely formed an opinion for (those) walking around with signs and T-shirts."

For Egan coming out to family and friends was definitely not a one-step deal. He first came out to friends his freshman year in college because a female friend of his had a crush on the same guy he did. "I had to tell her," he said.

Egan swore his friend to secrecy, terrified that people would find out or suspect something. His fears came true when he overheard a group of friends having a conversation about whether he was gay or not. "It really annoyed me," he said. Egan eventually let go of his fears and told other friends at college.

When asked why so many people wait until college to come out about their sexuality, Egan explained, "All of a sudden, you get into this environment where there's no connection to home. That's what it was for me. High school is the worst time of a gay person's life. (A gay person is) constantly afraid that other kids will make comments as (they) walk by."

Consequently, coming out to friends from home was much harder than telling friends at school. Egan recalled telling a girl who had had a crush on him throughout high school about his sexuality. "She (was upset), she said she wanted to marry me. It was awful," Egan said.

Although Egan's father and brother still don't know about his sexuality, he describes his mother's reaction as awesome. "She said she had gotten books on it, she had a feeling that I was gay for years," Egan said.

For junior graphic arts major Janet Smith*, college was the first time she had been away from family and friends who expected her to behave in a certain way. "Throughout high school, I always had a boyfriend because I felt like that's what I was supposed to do," she explained. "It always seemed like I had to play along. Like I'd have pictures of (tennis player) Andre Aggassi in my room just because I liked tennis, and my girl friends would be like he's so hot and I'd just say yeah, he is."

Sick of the facade, Smith decided that when she arrived at college, she just wouldn't pretend to be straight anymore. "I didn't introduce myself as Janet Smith: lesbian, or anything but I didn't hide my sexuality anymore. It was such a relief, such a burden lifted off my shoulders," Smith said.

Around the same time Smith came to college, she came out to her mother. "That was tougher," she recalled, "My mother, I guess, had always pictured this big Catholic wedding with me in white and a groom by my side. But now she's very understanding. Now she's at the point where she wants to know everything about my personal life and it's just more information than I'm willing to share."

Kapp had a very different experience with his family. "I never actually came out," Kapp began, "(My mother) read my journal without asking. She thought (becoming gay) was something she did." His mother's remedy was a year of counseling in order to turn him straight.

Although happy to be free from the burden of his secret, Kapp describes a Catholic guilt eating away at you night and day during this period in his life. There's a lot of self-loathing, you feel really isolated. Now at college, Kapp describes his environment as being infinitely more supportive.

Today, Kapp's mother is also much more supportive, though his sexuality is nothing they bring up. He worries about the possibility of having a serious relationship and bringing someone home. "We'll just have to cross that bridge..." he concludes.

Kapp also worries about his twelve-year-old sister. Although he feels she's too young to know about his sexuality, she's already been approached by classmates. Kapp's sister came home one day asking, "Mom, what's gay? Because kids at school are saying that's what Craig is."

So how would Kapp like friends and classmates to react to his sexuality? "I just want to be Craig first and gay second. I'm not asking for that much. I just want to be like everyone else," Kapp said. Kapp just wants people to realize that there's more to people than their sexual orientation.

He concedes that there are people out there who are very flagrant about their sexuality. But Kapp wants us to realize that they don't represent every gay person on campus.

Dan Egan agrees, "I guess I'm just not very political."

Egan's wish is for gay people to simply to be treated as equals. He feels that most power is currently allocated to white, heterosexual males. But Egan, who hopes someday to become an emergency room doctor said, "When (you are) a patient in my ER one day, you'll be reminded of who has the power."

But perhaps the most universal desire of any gay individual can be summed up in the words of Dan Egan's mother. She concluded a recent letter to her son with the following wish: "I just want you to love, and to be loved."