What do you think? How do you feel about that?

As a kid, I believed answering with an “I don’t know” was a cop out. As a kid, I thought I was supposed to have an answer when asked about the important stuff and, as a kid, I never recognized, “I don’t know,” as a significant one. But I’ve grown up a bit and now, sitting in Bliss Hall with a stack of Signals to my left proclaiming the top story as “Students protest war” and a white flyer to my right with the American flag at the bottom urging me to “Support our troops,” I realize that “I don’t know” may be the only answer I can give. And, that that is perfectly all right.

I don’t know what to think about this war that we have just entered into. I don’t want to protest it but I’m not sure I agree with it either. I can see both sides of the argument, which I guess, for once, makes me the perfect impartial journalist. But do I really want to be? Yes and no. Impartiality is good, we have it drummed into our heads that we are supposed to report on everything evenly, see everything from both sides. We aren’t supposed to give anyone any ideas, we are just supposed to give them the facts. Which is fine for playing at journalism, but I’m not that kind of person. At home, I want to have an opinion about this. It is one of the important events of my life and 20 years from now, I don’t want to explain to my kids that, “Mommy didn’t know what to think.”

Because, in actuality, I do know what to think but it is difficult and time consuming to explain. Answering “I don’t know” seems to convey that fact without having to go into too much detail. After all, everyone thinks something about the war but some of us just don’t have the time or the energy to explain our thoughts to everyone that we meet. For example, when I say, “I don’t know,” I really mean that wars in general are bad, like the old book-bag patch says, “War is not healthy for children and other living things.” “I don’t know” means killing is bad but we can’t sit by and do nothing when our country is threatened. Innocent people will die but we can’t let other countries walk all over us. We seem to be stuck in a Catch-22 where whatever action our nation takes it will always be wrong to someone.

But, “I don’t know” also means that our friends, family and people we know are over in some foreign land fighting for our idea of freedom and that we should support them in that. When soldiers came back from Vietnam in the ‘70s they were sometimes shunned and called “baby killers” by the people that had not been there with them. I can see that happening again if protesters forget that soldiers are doing what they are trained and told to do, and that war can do strange things to people. But, I can also see a joyous return for our troops because, at the moment, the nation has become a lot like what I remember it becoming during Operation Desert Storm, full of American flags and the happy tune, “Tie a Yellow Ribbon.”

Of course, “I don’t know” can mean just that. It can mean that I really am not sure what to think about any of this. I watch the news and read The New York Times when I get the chance and yet I still don’t feel informed enough to make a decision about what is going on. The television news seems to replay the same footage over and over again while it gives us information that doesn’t tell us anything. The troops are bombing Baghdad, the buildings are shaking, we see it all happen in night vision green and none of it seems real. We’ve seen those clips several times already today and they aren’t really showing us anything, just clouds of smoke and debris. No one tells us if that cloud was a school or a hospital or an armory and we aren’t able to ask. The newspapers tell us the same thing—this was bombed, this many people died and it doesn’t seem real because we aren’t there and we aren’t really seeing it with our own eyes.

I think I would feel more informed if I could have my questions answered with some degree of accuracy. Where are Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden? Does the war have anything to do with either of them? Is this whole thing about terrorism, nuclear weapons or unfinished business? Is this an officially declared war or some kind of police action? (This was the first question I asked and still I can’t get a definite answer.) And, if this is a war, how do we know when we win? Or, can we even win?

Right now, my answer to all of these questions and more just like them is, “I don’t know.” So, when I’m asked what I think about Operation Iraqi Freedom, that is what I say. Until I know more about this war and get my own personal questions answered I don’t think I can give any other.