When I was in my early grade school years, if I couldn’t sleep I would plop down on some comforters, blankets and pillows my parents would keep next to their bed, and lye between the bed and the television. This would make me feel safe, being in the same room as my parents, my dog and sometimes my equally restless brother, and help me to sleep. My parents often slept with the TV on, usually the “what’s on” channel or maybe “Nick at Nite.” I distinctly remember one night when I was in third grade, lying there between the bed and the TV and hearing a sound I will never forget—the sound of kettledrums blaring out of the television speakers. I turned my head to see what was causing this ruckus at 1am, and I saw a CNN graphic that said something like “America at War,” and then I freaked out.

Fast forward 12 years into the future, put some weight on me, some floppy hair, a pair of spectacles and place me in a city far from my home. It’s St. Patrick’s Day, and instead of taking in some green beer at the Blarney Stone, I’m glued to my television, watching President Bush address the nation. He talks about the 48 hour deadline for Saddam Hussein and his regime to exit Iraq, or war will begin. I am simultaneously talking to some friends over the Internet (something I never heard of in 1991) about how war is still scary to us “adults,” and I realize that there is no place in the world I would rather be right now than lying between my parents bed and the television on top of those old, ratty comforters.

For some this war is a political reason to rise up and take action. For others, it’s the end of a long game of cat-and-mouse between the United States and Iraq. For me, the war is about death. No matter who wins, how long it takes, or how sophisticated our weaponry might be, people will die. And that is a fact. Many of the deaths will be those of innocent civilians, mothers and children, who have no more of a connection to the war than I do. When reading CNN.com on Thursday morning, approximately twelve hours after the first “decapitation strike,” it was revealed that one Iraqi civilian was killed in the raid. At this point my stomach turned. This was the first sign to me that war, suffering and pain had begun, and it has only grown since then.

Ever since the conflict has started I have felt myself at a loss. To simply sit at my computer all day and read the news isn’t making me feel any better, but neither has trying to ignore all forms of media. I don’t find solace in criticizing the administration, or in pointing fingers. I am equally sickened by so called “peace protesters” who fight for peace by smashing up cars and violently attacking others, and the “pro-war” people who listen to and enjoy radio jingles such as “Time to Bomb Saddam,” a lovely Pittsburgh DJ’s song set to the Beatles’ “All Together Now.” As you may or may not know, there was a very large anti-war protest that went sour here in Pittsburgh on Thursday, March 20. After my friends and I got lunch the next day on campus, we were walking back to our dorm and I overheard someone telling his friend that “the faggots were back to their anti-war protest again,” and how they should head down and “kick some ass.” I had to restrain myself from screaming in this person’s face about how ignorant, bigoted and flat out wrong this statement was.

This last week has been a trying one for many of us; I know all week I was trying to find something I could do that would be a positive in this situation full of negatives. I want to do something that will help make the world a little better, and the only thing I can think of is to pray. I pray for the leaders of our world, that they may make decisions that will bring about an end to the fighting and save lives. I pray for the soldiers of both sides, that they get home to their families safely. I pray for the innocent who might be hurt by the actions of men thousands of miles away. I pray for children who have trouble sleeping at night because they are afraid, just like I was years ago. I pray for the rest of us, who are still afraid, who fear for the safety of our loved ones and who don’t want to see any more bloodshed. I pray for justice; I pray for freedom from oppression; I pray for a quick resolution to this terrible crisis. I pray for peace.