| Lifestyles | |
| "Nice" Doesn't Have to Mean Neglected (page 1 2 3 4 5) |
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| By
Patrick Dresh Lifestyles Editor |
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We’re all aware of the usual scenario: nice boy meets girl, nice boy likes girl, girl may like nice boy but has a thing for bad boy down the street and nice boy gets screwed. Simple enough, right? Not quite. Once again, even this annoyance can be understood and even learned from. To do this we really need to understand why this happens, because contrary to the popular belief, women don’t run to certain guys specifically to get hurt. There are a lot of reasons for the old ‘opposites attract’ idea, but basic masochism just isn’t one of them. One of the main things that motivate people to run to those seemingly so wrong for them has to do with misunderstanding the attraction of opposites. “Too many times people who have had bad relationships run to someone who is their complete opposite, and it just doesn’t work,” says social psychologist, author and Woodbury University psychology professor, Susan K. Perry Ph.D. “People should not look for opposing people but rather opposing traits.” In other words, if you’re the quiet type, you shouldn’t assume that a verbally loud person would be perfect for you. Yet, when the crap hits the fan in a relationship, people tend to run away from whatever general type of person they were involved with; they feel that if the pick someone totally different, it’ll work out. Another reason for opposite attraction lies in how people sometimes just aren’t honest with themselves. Someone may say they want a certain type of person but be truly attracted to something different. Again this isn’t something that is done on purpose. The media that we are all exposed to from day one, television, radio, and movies, “sets the standard for what is supposed to be ‘attractive’ and ‘desirable’,” says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, psychotherapist and author of The REAL 13th Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve-Step Programs; adding that such images are not always “truthful or accurate” and they “certainly don’t take individual needs in account.” For example, if you’ve been programmed to be attracted to shorter women when in reality are drawn to taller women; you may feel like that there is something wrong with you. Basically people get confused if their idea of ‘attractive’ does not match the majorities, which causes their thoughts and actions to seem inconsistent. |
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Pat,
a junior journalism/professional writing major, is also the lifestyles
section editor for the current edition of unbound. Pat’s professional
writing interests include young-adult psychology, relationship psychology,
and current Type 1 diabetes research. Pat’s other interests
include short story writing, illustration, and live-theatre performance. |
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