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“Know what?” I replied.

“You know, know that it’s right. Know that it’s the right decision to pursue the relationship after high school into college…” she offered.

Then it struck me.

I had forgotten. In all of my analyses of my own long-distance relationship, in my 20-some pages of well-documented interviews, in my collection of articles and news-clippings, I had missed the most essential element.

It was like trying to frost a cake without baking it first. It was like trying to mow the lawn before laying the seed. It was like trying to apply for college without taking the SAT. It was backwards. That’s what it was.

I remember the summer before college quite clearly in fact: taking orders and bussing tables at 2-Senza until the wee hours of the morning, baking in the sun at Ocean Grove, talking until late with friends and cherishing all my time with Mark. We did absolutely everything together. In retrospect, some of it was a little extreme. We picked up the dry-cleaning together. We did our back-to-school shopping together. We returned movies to the video store together. We even did some grocery shopping together. All of this “togetherness” may seem strange, a little odd at best.

My friends certainly didn’t understand it. I remember them bitterly commenting, “You’re going out with him again?” My boss at work didn’t understand it either. She quizzically asked, “You need another night off?” Even my parents didn’t quite get it. My mom asked, “Well, what are you going to do, come the end of August?” But honestly, I didn’t know. I was just scared. All of my friends broke up with their high school sweethearts that summer. As August loomed closer and closer, many high school sweethearts ended their romances on what they called “mutual terms.” My best friend decided to split up with her boyfriend too. I was quite surprised at her decision. She explained, “Well, nothing was wrong, except for the timing. We had to end. We’re going to college in the fall.”

Her comment left me reeling into a sea of uncertainty. What was I doing? If Mark and I stayed together, would I regret it? If we broke up, would I regret? Should I pursue this relationship into college? What was I getting myself into? Was it really just “time” for us to end? So how do you know? Question after question, doubt after doubt, thudded against me like a tremendous twenty-foot wave… and left me stranded in the murky waters of uncertainty without any answers.

However, I was not alone. Many couples face such uncertainty and doubt the summer before college – choosing to be in a long-distance relationship is a tough situation, says Dr. Brant Burleson, communications professor at Purdue University. It’s tough because you realize you’ll be away from the person you’re involved with. You’ll be going to different colleges, experiencing new things and growing more mature without the other person right there. So how do you know? How do you know whether to just end it now or pursue the relationship into college?

Sorting Through the Uncertainty of it All
In trying to decide whether it’s right to continue your relationship with your high school sweetheart into college (especially if you’re going to two different colleges), you need to first be honest with yourself and really think it through.

Rachael Bolen, a junior at The College of New Jersey, was involved in a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend who went to Johns Hopkins University. Bolen said, “[A long-distance relationship] is something you need to think about. It’s something that you have to be ready for, something you have to be willing to put a lot of energy into.”

She added, “It’s not like you can just walk down the hall and see the person. It’s going to take time out from your friends and schoolwork to talk to him, e-mail him or to go and see him.”

Although long-distance relationships are not impossible, they certainly can be difficult. You and your partner are going to have to be willing to contribute energy, effort and time to try and make your relationship work across the miles.

To decide whether or not to pursue the relationship into college, Burleson suggested, “You need to look at your relationship and evaluate it honestly. You need to look at what you’re getting out of it and weigh that with the potential costs a long-distance relationship imposes.”

To most couples a long-distance relationship is a drag. Sometimes couples go weeks without seeing each other. Phone bills may dramatically increase. Those in long-distance relationships must also cope with simply missing their partner’s hugs and kisses. In college especially, couples face the challenge of trying to remain close and not be too jealous of their partner going out and meeting new people.

So the essential question – the one that every couple must ask themselves – becomes the following: does the current relationship and all that it has to offer outweigh the potential costs and challenges of a long-distance relationship? High school sweethearts need to realize that the transition from high school to college can be difficult by itself – do they really want to add the challenge of a long-distance relationship?

“In addition to asking yourself ‘is this worth it’,” said Sherry Amatenstein, author of “Love Lessons From Bad Break Ups”, “You need to ask yourself why, why is it that you want to do this? And you need to make sure this is someone really important who you want to be with.”

Richard Huddleston, a junior at Cornell University has been involved in a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend from high school for about three and a half years. So what is his advice to beginners or those considering being involved in a long-distance relationship? “Don’t do it,” he said, “unless you can really and honestly say to yourself to every girl [or boy] you see, the one I have is better. Otherwise you’ll question and doubt your entire long-distance relationship as soon as you get to college.”

Realizing the Bottom Line
Human relationships are tricky and they cannot be predicted. You and yours should sit down and analyze your relationship and talk about your fears and expectations of a long-distance relationship before entering into one – but there’s still no guarantee it will last. However, it’s a good start. It’s better than blindly deciding to pursue a long-distance relationship with your high school sweetheart into college, but it may not be enough.

After you and yours seriously sit down and think about your relationship and the future, you have to listen to your heart. You have to follow your heart … and take your chances. After you and yours talk and talk about the possibility of a long-distance relationship, you simply have to do what “feels” right. You have to just follow your heart, wherever that may lead you.